So where did I leave off?

I'm fat.

But.... not for very long.

After my first round of blogging, I got discouraged. Instead of losing weight, I was gaining it, and rapidly. Anyways, I decided that I needed to stop for a few months and regain my composure and relearn my motivation. Then I stopped, took a look in the mirror fresh out of the shower. I wiped the steam away from the mirror and realized that my figure wasn't ruined by the foggy glass, but rather but my lifestyle over the past 10 years.

I ruined me.

I am taking charge of my life. I am taking charge of my body and my soul. So here is my plan:

- I hate diets. Instead of dieting, I'm just watching my food intake. Instead of a huge chocolate bar, I'm eating a handful of pretzles. Instead of a slice of cake, I'm eating an apple. It's working. Well.

- I have been needing time to myself for years. Now I have it. We joined a gym. Now, every night, with my Ipod in tow, I work out. I strap down the sagging, fleshy things that once resembled boobs with two bras, squeeze into my workout pants and drive to my new second home. Xertion fitness. It rocks! I think I might take some pictures of it tonight :) I love my gym!!!

- I'm staying away from my scale. My biggest demotivator was the flashing numbers on the scale. Every morning I would hop on, only to be depressed by the increasing numbers. Now, I only weigh one time per week. I have something to look forward to right now.

Last week was 246.4. I'll be down to 200 soon. I'm ready to tell Lane Bryant goodbye and go back into the Buckle to buy some jeans!!! Wish me luck!

Humiliation from someone I should trust

Created by MyFitnessPal - Free Food Diary

As some of you might have heard, I had an absolutely eye-opening, humiliating doctor's appt on Friday. Basically my physician belittled me and told me that the only way I could lose weight would be to go to weight watchers. He was plugging WW the entire 15 minutes. I was horrified when he told me I was his "biggest" patient. I know I am not, but it still mortified me to hear that come out of his mouth. So, I decided to change. I'm going to really start working out every night.. track my food and get my husband and kids to do this with me! Wish me luck!

The beginning.. the end.

So, I backed out of the whole weightloss thing.

Stress.

It sucks!

My first weigh-in left me heavier than what I was at my first weigh-in. So, I quit.

I'm a quitter :(

Then, I moved to a desk at work that is right in front of my boss's office, so that definitely limited my time to type of my blog, but then I realized.... he takes lunch LOL. So, here I am. Typing. While my boss is at lunch!

So, let's see... I have less than 3 months until I go to my class reunion. I'm still a fat mom. I was hoping to be more of a "fit" mom by the time reunion came around, but I doubt that will happen. Maybe I can be a "less-than-I-was" fat mom???

But where do I start?!?!?

Ugh.

That's where I am today. Hopefully I'll be somewhere better soon.

A fat experience

So, for anyone who is fat, you know how hard it is to shop for cute clothes.well last night I had to find a dress for graduation. I tried on a dress that I like and I looked hugely preggo. I tried another one and it looked like a tent. Finely I found one. I grabbed a size 16 like I was wearing but it didn't fit. I grabbed a 18 and still no luck. 20 ... Nope. Finally a 22 fit great. WOW. I am a fatass.


Not for long :)

Well I bought it and wore my tent proudly LOL and I walked across stage and got by diploma. I'm a fat, recent collge graduate Wooohooo.

On the positive side, I have not had a soda since Tuesday night!! I hope I can keep that up. I decreased my calories each day by over 1000 just by drinking water only.

Now my nubby and I are on our way to the casinos to celebrate my graduation. Hopefully I'll strike it rich!



-- Post From My iPhone

Can you die from food withdrawal???

Wow. My first day not snacking all day long and I seriously believe I'm going to die. Now, I know I won't die, but this is hard.

I have drank so much water that I feel like I'm floating to and from the bathroom LOL.

My lunch consisted of a baked potatoe with fat free cheese, just a smidge of butter and a couple bacon bits. Not bad. I also had some fruit, so that was a nice way to top it off. I guess my lunch was around 400 Calories, so I'm definitely impressed since my previous lunch would probably be closer to 1000 or 1300 Calories. ;)

So, here I am. Taking a break at work, typing on here for a few minutes to vent my frustration about feeling like I am starving even though I'm not.

I have decided NOT to buy a scale. I will continue doing my weekly weigh in at work otherwise I will obsess over my weight and that definitely won't help.

Tonight I'm going to take some pictures so I have some before and afters. Hopefully this will be my motivation. Other than a few headshot pics for facebook, I haven't taken any pictures of myself in YEARS!!! I guess we will see how that works out.

Anyways, I'm up to 4 Followers! Woo! :D Thanks for your support!

Breaks over. Time to get back to work!

Day 1

Today is my first day of my diet.

Luckily, at work, we are doing a Fitness type program, so as part of that I had to weigh in.

Oh.My.God.

I weighed a jaw-dropping 251lbs.

I weighed 145lbs when I met my husband.

I weighed 190lbs when I had my first daughter.

I weighed 212lbs when I had my second daughter.

So, officially I weigh more today than I did when I was 9 months pregnant.

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?

Anyways, this is it for me. I can't live this way anymore. So, for breakfast, I had a fruit & walnut salad from McDonalds. This is a HUGE change because I would normally have a few donuts and then snick snack all day. Not anymore!

So, let's see what I can do. I want to lose 30lbs by the end of the summer.

That is completely doable.

Wish me luck!

My Introduction

I'm a fat mom.

I wasn't always fat. I used to be hot. Thin legs, sexy curves. You know the type.

Now I'm fat.

I guess my first blog should be about who I am. A fat mom isn't what defines me. My family defines me. Fat mom is just a description of who I have become over the past 9 years. So, I guess I need to tell you what happened 9 years ago.

9 years ago, I met my love. I met my future husband. I met my best friend. Will was fabulous. He loved me, but I'm sure he loved my figure too. What he didn't know is that happiness leads to fatness I suppose. We dated for 1 1/2 years before he proposed. I remember that day like it just happened. He got down on one knee in our living room and popped the question. I'm sure at that time, he thought I would always be his loving, fit, partner. Instead, I almost immediatly became fat.

When I met him, I was a size 4. When he proposed, I was a size 8. When we got married, I was a size 14. Now a 20. Do you see the trend?

Well, not anymore. I hope I can follow through this time and manage to not lose it. I hope I can manage to get in shape. I need it for me. I need it for my girls. I need it for my life to become that fairytale story so I can live happily ever after. I NEED THIS!

So, where do I start? I don't know.

I have a bike, that I spent $300 for, but it is just sitting in my bedroom, holding my clothes. I guess that would be a start.

Hmmm.... I just don't know!

But no matter what... here I GO!