In a blink of an eye...

If you are a friend of mine on fbook, you might have seen my statuses throughout the week but to recap, we had a horrific accident at our house. I'm typing this out because I really need to get this out of my head and put in on paper so to speak. Madisyn was upset when I picked her up from daycare because she had heard that Taylor's class (school age) was going to a water park and she wanted to go. I told her I had something better... playing on the trampoline with the sprinkler underneath. It was something I did as a kid and I remember having a blast. So, we came home, got the sprinkler out, got the girls in their swimsuits and let them have fun. It was time to get off the trampoline. Madisyn unzipped the enclosure and went to get down. She slipped. I had turned my back for a second and all I heard was a thud. It sounded like a hollow bowling ball had hit the ground. I immediately fell to my knees beside her. She wasn't moving. She was laying on her left side. Her eyes were WIDE open but her eyes were fixed staring at the sky to her right. She wouldn't respond. She was breathing but very shallow. I kept talking to her, screaming for my neighbors since my husband wasn't home. Taylor ran next door to get our neighbor Travis. He ran over, grabbed a blanket and covered Madi up. After about 2 minutes or so she moved her eyes and stared at me and started crying. While a wave of relief came over me, I noticed the large amount of blood pooling around her head. I called 911. I was trying to stay calm but I couldn't breathe. I told them my address and within a couple minutes I heard the ambulance. The paramedics came back and put compression on her head wound, put her in a cervical collar and rolled her onto a backboard. She was covered in blood and dirt in her bathing suit. I grabbed her blanket and her stuffed puppy. We were going to get into the ambulance until I foudn out they only had room for 1 person not 2 and since I had no one to watch Taylor we had to ride in my care. That was the longest drive over. I kept staring in the back of the ambulance hoping I wouldn't see anything happen. One hour after the incident, we made it to children's hospital. We were taken to a trauma room. She was really sleepy so they decided to do a CT scan. After three hours there, they said her CT was clear and they would let us leave. She was nauseaus but luckily my baby girl was alive. This morning I get a call saying that they reviewed her CT again and they were concerned with some blood that was found on her brain. I freaked on the inside but completely stayed calm on the outside. We had to go back. After another CT, we found out that while she did have a bleed, it had stopped and she was still considered stable. They let us leave after 3 hours there this morning. We came home and she has been awesome all day with the exception of a headache and a bit of nausea. I could have lost her. For 2 minutes I thought she was gone. I thought she was never going to wake up. I know it seems like 2 minutes is so fast, but it lasted forever. This could have been something completely different. Her story could be over. I'm not a real religious person but I fell to my knees and prayed. I prayed harder in those few minutes between the incident and the ambulance getting there. Hug your babies a little bit more tonight. Life can change in an instant and i'm thankful it didn't turn out in a negative way.

Hey.. It's the Freakin' Weekend!

Starting Weight on January 1, 2012: 258
Current Weight on February 5, 2012: 244

Well.... I'm 14 pounds down, but I suspect that will change pretty quickly when I step on the scales next week. I struggle with actually picking the right foods to eat that have a decent amount of calories, but are otherwise healthy. I guess I need to figure it out though. Maybe my favorite site, Pinterest, will help me out. We will just have to see.

Let's see... what else has happened since I was on here last. Well, I am learning how to sew. It is definitely an adventure :) So far, I have just sewn some fancy squares together but nothing more. I will have to see if I can figure something else fun out. Once again, maybe I should get on Pinterest and figure that out too.

Also, my daughter has been recommended to be tested for ADHD. While I think it is inaccurate to why she is not paying attention, I guess I will follow through just so the teacher can't say I'm not trying. We are also working on some major behavior modification. While she is a very bright and all-around great kid, she tends to move really slow when you ask her to do things. I don't think it has to do with her attention, just her lack of willpower. She is that child that daydreams about everything. She also goes above and beyond to be uber creative. I really think that school is just boring to her. She loves the socialization, but nothing else. We will have to see how things go over the next few weeks. She can't keep failing her classwork, but then again there has to be more reasons why she has gone from being considered above average to "at risk" in all her subjects. I think she just needs some more mommy attention, and that is what she is going to get!!!

Well, it's time to wrap this weekend up, get ready for another busy week at work and another busy week at school. This is actually my last week in this class, so I can't wait to see what's next.

FAT MOM NO MORE!!!

Starting Weight on January 1, 2012: 258
Current Weight on January 23, 2012: 246

Today I'm putting myself back out there for everyone to see. You see... I'm a fat mom. I have identified myself as being a fat mom for years. There comes a time when you just deal with the weight and suck it up and keep living like there is nothing wrong. I'm done with that. Beginning January 1st, I started running with my good friend Amber. I HATE running, but I love walking quickly. I love turning on my music and just enjoying 30 minutes of walking and socializing with my friend when she isn't running laps around me. I love the night sky and just the time I get to think about the day and about the future days to come. I thought I could be a runner by using the Couck-to-5K program, but once again... I.HATE.RUNNING. I hate how my legs feel the next day when I wake up. So, walking it is.

I've also begun counting my calories each day. I have found something pretty interesting though. I don't eat enough. WHAT?!?!!? I'm sure you are wondering how someone can get their weight all the way to over 250lbs without eating. Well, from a calorie standpoint, I don't eat enough but I overeat on all the bad statistics such as carbs and sugar. I'm changing that. I have quit drinking sodas which is a HUGE sugar loader. I am also eating more whole grains. It has definitely helped get my calories a bit higher, but I'm still averaging around 900 calories each day. This is bad. Your body begins to go into starvation mode and all your calories are stored as fat and you begin to gain weight. But eating more takes time and effort. It isn't a free-for-all unfortunately.

So, that's where I am right now. I'm still a mom. I'm still in school. I'm still working fulltime. I have also taken on a girl scout troop and now my kids are in dance. This is going to be a challenge, but I'm sure I can do it!!

Wish me luck!

What the hell?

Yup. I'm still fat.
Yeah. I failed another attempt at blogging.
Uh-huh. I'm sitting on my fat ass, on the couch, playing on the internet rather than running on a treadmill.
Yes. I am still paying $56 each month for a gym membership, but I haven't been to the gym in MONTHS.

So, at least I'm being honest with everyone. I'm airing out my dirty laundry on the internet, but I guess that is what I need to do.

I gained another 5 pounds since I quit working out. That means I am back to 3 pounds lost so far this year. Ugh. This is insane.

Well tomorrow is another day, and I will definitely make it a point to try again to make it to the gym. After I eat my candy or something. After I go to the movies to see Harry Potter in IMAX 3D and chow down on some popcorn and drink a massive Dr. Pepper.

How do I get over this hump? How do I become a person who has the ability to turn down sugary goodness and actually lose weight like I am supposed to? CRAP!

Anyways, Here I am. I'm going to work on trying to start over again soon.

Ok. I suck.

I pull up my blogger on a regular basis, but I can't find the words to type. I don't want to be judged by total strangers regarding my entire life, but then again, maybe that is what I need. I need honesty in my life. I need compassion but tough love. I need someone to tell my fat ass to get off the couch and go work out.

While I love my husband with every inch of my soul, he just isn't doing that job anymore. He has an injured foot and while that didn't stop him from running around Washington D.C. during our recent vacation, it does limit him from what type of workouts he can perform and I guess because he can't perform the workouts that he wants, then there is no need for him to do anything. But who am I to judge?

So, let me reintroduce myself. My name is Robin. I'm a food-aholic. I love food. Food of all vareties. I love to eat during my free time, but most of all I love to spend time eating. When I get stressed out, I eat. When I get bored, I eat. When I am too busy to do anything, I always make time to eat. But that is changing now.

So, I'm here... trying to become "The Blog Formerly Know as The Confessions of a Fat Mom" :) Who knows, maybe I can do it :)

New Year, New Me.

Well... I fell off the weight loss track. HARD. I actually haven't seen the inside of my gym in almost 1 1/2 months, but the payment keeps coming out of my bank. Oh well. New Year, New Me.

I have survived Madisyn's birthday... Thanksgiving... Christmas... Taylor's Birthday... My Birthday... My husbands Birthday... and somewhere I actually lost 5 pounds. I guess the stress did it to me, but I'm hoping I can continue on this track.

So here are my goals for 2010.

- 50lbs lost this year
- Size 14 or smaller in jeans
- Better mental health
- Actually stay on task
- Blog at least 3 times a week

I know it seems like a lot, but I know I can do it!!! Now I just need to get started! Wish me luck.

So where did I leave off?

I'm fat.

But.... not for very long.

After my first round of blogging, I got discouraged. Instead of losing weight, I was gaining it, and rapidly. Anyways, I decided that I needed to stop for a few months and regain my composure and relearn my motivation. Then I stopped, took a look in the mirror fresh out of the shower. I wiped the steam away from the mirror and realized that my figure wasn't ruined by the foggy glass, but rather but my lifestyle over the past 10 years.

I ruined me.

I am taking charge of my life. I am taking charge of my body and my soul. So here is my plan:

- I hate diets. Instead of dieting, I'm just watching my food intake. Instead of a huge chocolate bar, I'm eating a handful of pretzles. Instead of a slice of cake, I'm eating an apple. It's working. Well.

- I have been needing time to myself for years. Now I have it. We joined a gym. Now, every night, with my Ipod in tow, I work out. I strap down the sagging, fleshy things that once resembled boobs with two bras, squeeze into my workout pants and drive to my new second home. Xertion fitness. It rocks! I think I might take some pictures of it tonight :) I love my gym!!!

- I'm staying away from my scale. My biggest demotivator was the flashing numbers on the scale. Every morning I would hop on, only to be depressed by the increasing numbers. Now, I only weigh one time per week. I have something to look forward to right now.

Last week was 246.4. I'll be down to 200 soon. I'm ready to tell Lane Bryant goodbye and go back into the Buckle to buy some jeans!!! Wish me luck!