Fat Girl on a Mission

I tend to come and go between posting several times a week and not posting at all but today I had a major epiphany in regards to my weight loss but before I post that, let me catch you up to date with where I am today.

On December 9th, I stepped on the scale and had a slap in the face. I hit my high weight... 261 pounds. I was saddened, mortified, disgusted, etc. I wasn't eating out of control, but I knew I wasn't eating correctly. On top of that, I knew something more was wrong. So, I made an appointment for my physician. I heard the words from her that I never want to hear again. "You have insulin resistance, Type II Diabetes". WHAT!!! I'm 32 years old and now my life is at risk all because I'm overweight and not taking care of myself appropriately. I was done.

After my physician talked to me about my diagnosis, she also offered to put me on some medication that should counteract the PCOS (Polycycstic Ovary Syndrome) which is a big reason for my weight gain, fatigue, infertility and insulin resistance. That drug is Metformin. She also recommended that if I was serious about the weight loss that I consider using Adapex to just get things boosted and going. I hate taking meds, but this time it is serious. So I grabbed the prescriptions and left.

I made my 8 mile drive back to work and cried the majority of the way. How did I let my life get so out of control that I had to worry about my future? What about my children? I know Diabetes is not a death sentence, but I didn't want to even think about the potential consequences. I was going to change this time.

So, I filled my prescriptions, and made a vow to change myself. I know it is difficult to diet during Christmas... but I did. Within 4 weeks, I lost 21 pounds. On January 10th, I stepped on my physician's scale and she was elated with my progress. I am making the decision to become an overall better person. I'm walking on a regular basis, using my elliptical machine which did nothing but gather dust in my garage over the past few years, and I'm tracking my calorie intake. Now, this month, I've only lost 3 lbs but that is mainly because of stress at work, but I'm about to turn it up again and start focusing back on me.

Anyways, there's my update. Thank you for all of the follows recently!

Losing weight, again....

I have written so many times my sob story about how life has gotten in the way and I have struggled to hard to stay on track. Well, here it is again. First, there is life.

Life is busy.

Life is hectic.

Life is insane.

I personally believe that life is the number one reason most people drop off an exercise/diet plan. It is so much easier to just drop off instead of struggling to stay on track. It is a coincidence that life is why we drop off a plan, but life is the number one reason we need to be on a plan. If you stay fat, you die. Everyone dies at some point. It's just the natural progression of life. But being fat, obese, overweight, whatever you want to call it, expedites the path to death. It's simple. If you lose weight and stay healthy you are more likely to live a longer life.

I have so many reasons to lose weight.

First, my job. I really wonder sometimes if I would be further in life if I wasn't the "fat" girl in the office. It's possible. I mean, my skills have gotten me pretty far and I refuse to put myself down because of that, but in all reality who knows.

Next, my family. My kids deserve to have me around as long as possible. I don't want to lead them down a path of obesity. I want them to be healthy. I want them to live. I want them to see how much fun it can be to run outside and not just sit inside on a computer. I want them to live forever and not use me or my fatness as a reason why they can become the same as me.

Then, there is my girl scout troop. I was never the "kid lover". I always said that I never really wanted to be around other people's kids. Wow. How shallow was that? I have a desire to make kids better. I have a desire to make little girls know how awesome they are. My troop has become a group of kids that I have a passion to lead. I love each one of them and truly care about their well-being.

Finally and definitely not least, there's me. I'm awesome. While my friends are few and far between, it's not about the quantity but the quality. I have an amazing group that makes me feel awesome. I'm a great mom (even though I lack in patience sometimes). I'm a great wife. I'm a very hard worker. All in all, I'm pretty groovy. I need to tell myself that from time to time. It's so easy to just melt into the fat slob routine. I won't do that anymore. I won't be depressed about how great I could be. I'm going to start loving me for me.

So, now there is the method of how to do it. I'm not really sure how to start. I know working out is great, but it never works for me. I have tracked calories in the past but never eat enough which then makes my weight loss next to nil. Help!! What can I do. I have to do this. I have to succeed this time. *sigh* I have to be thin.

First step is to be accountable, so here I am. I'm being accountable to anyone who lands on this blog. Also, I can post ideas and get feedback. That is what I'm going to do. I can do this!

In a blink of an eye...

If you are a friend of mine on fbook, you might have seen my statuses throughout the week but to recap, we had a horrific accident at our house. I'm typing this out because I really need to get this out of my head and put in on paper so to speak. Madisyn was upset when I picked her up from daycare because she had heard that Taylor's class (school age) was going to a water park and she wanted to go. I told her I had something better... playing on the trampoline with the sprinkler underneath. It was something I did as a kid and I remember having a blast. So, we came home, got the sprinkler out, got the girls in their swimsuits and let them have fun. It was time to get off the trampoline. Madisyn unzipped the enclosure and went to get down. She slipped. I had turned my back for a second and all I heard was a thud. It sounded like a hollow bowling ball had hit the ground. I immediately fell to my knees beside her. She wasn't moving. She was laying on her left side. Her eyes were WIDE open but her eyes were fixed staring at the sky to her right. She wouldn't respond. She was breathing but very shallow. I kept talking to her, screaming for my neighbors since my husband wasn't home. Taylor ran next door to get our neighbor Travis. He ran over, grabbed a blanket and covered Madi up. After about 2 minutes or so she moved her eyes and stared at me and started crying. While a wave of relief came over me, I noticed the large amount of blood pooling around her head. I called 911. I was trying to stay calm but I couldn't breathe. I told them my address and within a couple minutes I heard the ambulance. The paramedics came back and put compression on her head wound, put her in a cervical collar and rolled her onto a backboard. She was covered in blood and dirt in her bathing suit. I grabbed her blanket and her stuffed puppy. We were going to get into the ambulance until I foudn out they only had room for 1 person not 2 and since I had no one to watch Taylor we had to ride in my care. That was the longest drive over. I kept staring in the back of the ambulance hoping I wouldn't see anything happen. One hour after the incident, we made it to children's hospital. We were taken to a trauma room. She was really sleepy so they decided to do a CT scan. After three hours there, they said her CT was clear and they would let us leave. She was nauseaus but luckily my baby girl was alive. This morning I get a call saying that they reviewed her CT again and they were concerned with some blood that was found on her brain. I freaked on the inside but completely stayed calm on the outside. We had to go back. After another CT, we found out that while she did have a bleed, it had stopped and she was still considered stable. They let us leave after 3 hours there this morning. We came home and she has been awesome all day with the exception of a headache and a bit of nausea. I could have lost her. For 2 minutes I thought she was gone. I thought she was never going to wake up. I know it seems like 2 minutes is so fast, but it lasted forever. This could have been something completely different. Her story could be over. I'm not a real religious person but I fell to my knees and prayed. I prayed harder in those few minutes between the incident and the ambulance getting there. Hug your babies a little bit more tonight. Life can change in an instant and i'm thankful it didn't turn out in a negative way.

Hey.. It's the Freakin' Weekend!

Starting Weight on January 1, 2012: 258
Current Weight on February 5, 2012: 244

Well.... I'm 14 pounds down, but I suspect that will change pretty quickly when I step on the scales next week. I struggle with actually picking the right foods to eat that have a decent amount of calories, but are otherwise healthy. I guess I need to figure it out though. Maybe my favorite site, Pinterest, will help me out. We will just have to see.

Let's see... what else has happened since I was on here last. Well, I am learning how to sew. It is definitely an adventure :) So far, I have just sewn some fancy squares together but nothing more. I will have to see if I can figure something else fun out. Once again, maybe I should get on Pinterest and figure that out too.

Also, my daughter has been recommended to be tested for ADHD. While I think it is inaccurate to why she is not paying attention, I guess I will follow through just so the teacher can't say I'm not trying. We are also working on some major behavior modification. While she is a very bright and all-around great kid, she tends to move really slow when you ask her to do things. I don't think it has to do with her attention, just her lack of willpower. She is that child that daydreams about everything. She also goes above and beyond to be uber creative. I really think that school is just boring to her. She loves the socialization, but nothing else. We will have to see how things go over the next few weeks. She can't keep failing her classwork, but then again there has to be more reasons why she has gone from being considered above average to "at risk" in all her subjects. I think she just needs some more mommy attention, and that is what she is going to get!!!

Well, it's time to wrap this weekend up, get ready for another busy week at work and another busy week at school. This is actually my last week in this class, so I can't wait to see what's next.

FAT MOM NO MORE!!!

Starting Weight on January 1, 2012: 258
Current Weight on January 23, 2012: 246

Today I'm putting myself back out there for everyone to see. You see... I'm a fat mom. I have identified myself as being a fat mom for years. There comes a time when you just deal with the weight and suck it up and keep living like there is nothing wrong. I'm done with that. Beginning January 1st, I started running with my good friend Amber. I HATE running, but I love walking quickly. I love turning on my music and just enjoying 30 minutes of walking and socializing with my friend when she isn't running laps around me. I love the night sky and just the time I get to think about the day and about the future days to come. I thought I could be a runner by using the Couck-to-5K program, but once again... I.HATE.RUNNING. I hate how my legs feel the next day when I wake up. So, walking it is.

I've also begun counting my calories each day. I have found something pretty interesting though. I don't eat enough. WHAT?!?!!? I'm sure you are wondering how someone can get their weight all the way to over 250lbs without eating. Well, from a calorie standpoint, I don't eat enough but I overeat on all the bad statistics such as carbs and sugar. I'm changing that. I have quit drinking sodas which is a HUGE sugar loader. I am also eating more whole grains. It has definitely helped get my calories a bit higher, but I'm still averaging around 900 calories each day. This is bad. Your body begins to go into starvation mode and all your calories are stored as fat and you begin to gain weight. But eating more takes time and effort. It isn't a free-for-all unfortunately.

So, that's where I am right now. I'm still a mom. I'm still in school. I'm still working fulltime. I have also taken on a girl scout troop and now my kids are in dance. This is going to be a challenge, but I'm sure I can do it!!

Wish me luck!

What the hell?

Yup. I'm still fat.
Yeah. I failed another attempt at blogging.
Uh-huh. I'm sitting on my fat ass, on the couch, playing on the internet rather than running on a treadmill.
Yes. I am still paying $56 each month for a gym membership, but I haven't been to the gym in MONTHS.

So, at least I'm being honest with everyone. I'm airing out my dirty laundry on the internet, but I guess that is what I need to do.

I gained another 5 pounds since I quit working out. That means I am back to 3 pounds lost so far this year. Ugh. This is insane.

Well tomorrow is another day, and I will definitely make it a point to try again to make it to the gym. After I eat my candy or something. After I go to the movies to see Harry Potter in IMAX 3D and chow down on some popcorn and drink a massive Dr. Pepper.

How do I get over this hump? How do I become a person who has the ability to turn down sugary goodness and actually lose weight like I am supposed to? CRAP!

Anyways, Here I am. I'm going to work on trying to start over again soon.

Ok. I suck.

I pull up my blogger on a regular basis, but I can't find the words to type. I don't want to be judged by total strangers regarding my entire life, but then again, maybe that is what I need. I need honesty in my life. I need compassion but tough love. I need someone to tell my fat ass to get off the couch and go work out.

While I love my husband with every inch of my soul, he just isn't doing that job anymore. He has an injured foot and while that didn't stop him from running around Washington D.C. during our recent vacation, it does limit him from what type of workouts he can perform and I guess because he can't perform the workouts that he wants, then there is no need for him to do anything. But who am I to judge?

So, let me reintroduce myself. My name is Robin. I'm a food-aholic. I love food. Food of all vareties. I love to eat during my free time, but most of all I love to spend time eating. When I get stressed out, I eat. When I get bored, I eat. When I am too busy to do anything, I always make time to eat. But that is changing now.

So, I'm here... trying to become "The Blog Formerly Know as The Confessions of a Fat Mom" :) Who knows, maybe I can do it :)